As of this moment, today I will spend an hour with the EKG machine and ten or fifteen minutes in the lab giving blood samples and some quality time with the surgical navigator and the nurse.
The next week, I will enjoy two hours with the psychologist - we will find out exactly why I think I need this surgery…besides being medically obese… they need to know why, mentally I think this is necessary. There are many large people in the United States - a highly concentrated number actually, and I do NOT have to continue to be one - it really is that simple. I choose life and according to the surgeon, if all goes well, I am gifting myself an additional 12 years on the planet to do such thinks as watch my grand children come into the world, make more artwork and generally relax on the planet that is my home.
Then we will go to visit the nutritionist for some advice on pre and post surgical consumption of nutritional materials. I am not going to call them food because for the first month or so it'll be more like post consumer , pre-digested organic materials. I need to disassociate that with things like nachos, burgers, cheese, bananas, salads, tuna that have textural benefits- this group of nutritional entities will have none of that.
When food and I make our 'peace' with one another, then I will find a new group of food that is more me-friendly.
At some point i have to do some other medical maintenance - mammogram , colonoscopy - yippee, and ob/ gyn confirmation of clear pap smear. Human testing guinea pig.
looking forward to all of that - as each prep appointment continues I will post a weight, a summary of the prep appointment and my smart remarks - those i will never give up.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Saturday, July 26, 2014
More on the VSG
yeah, its the weekend.
And so the story goes…
The surgeon goes into depth about the procedure - with a green marker on a white board he says "and we cut here. XXX - staple here… dotted line.. and remove this portion of your stomach creating a 'sleeve'…. more dotted lines…. see this ? "
Laproscopicly of course. (of course.) Hey Laproscopic surgery. I know that surgery - it is how they got my very unhappy gall bladder out. That is fast and doesn't hardly hurt. THAT surgery, I can do.
He continues to discuss and answer all kinds of questions:
"How quickly can you do this ?" - Answer: four weeks he said, which turned out to be a little 'untrue', more like four months due to prep work, psych evaluation, nutritionist and the ever wonderful liver shrinking diet (more on that later).
"How long does the procedure take?" - Answer: shortest 40 minutes, longest 65 minutes due to big liver.
"Do I have to stay at the hospital?" - I really wanted to answer this one with no dumb ass, they do major surgery in the surgical drive through…but I again showed a tremendous amount of self control and just smiled, inside. Answer: Two Days if there are no complications.
"How long will I be out of work?" - Answer: five to ten days.
"How much does it cost?" - I think smugly - its covered by BC. BS of Massachusetts - that I do know. Answer: $20,000.00 (likely dependent upon Dr, Region and country, among other things).
"Am I awake during the procedure?" Answer - No. again the 'duh' factor was kicking on inside my head, but that's unfair to the questioner…
"What do you use to put the patient under?" Answer - Intravenous sedation administered via IV drip and you 'wake up' 30- 45 seconds after we stop the drip. WOW - having had a couple of babies, surgeries and wisdom teeth out, I am not a fan of inhaled sedation and its 'after' effects, so I was just tickled to hear this.
"What can i eat afterwards?" Answer - liquid diet for two weeks, mushy diet for two to four weeks and then reintroducing foods as directed by the nutritionist.
"Can I have beer?" - Answer: Eventually, BUT….your 'new' stomach can only tolerate so much volume and using that for alcohol may not be the best choice. READ 'NO YOU DUMB ASS".
The last two questions concerned me. If you are so involved in 'what food' per se, and what you can and can not drink, then this seminar is probably not the right place for you. I am in such a personal state of disappointment regarding my ability to mentally grasp 'limits' or exhibit discipline with regards to food as a 'drug' - that this is literally my LAST resort. I will do whatever I am told and being physically forced to become unable to make bad choices, is where I am . In some ways, it's sad. In other ways - it's a new beginning. Sometimes , we all need help and that takes courage to admit.
Carry on .
And so the story goes…
The surgeon goes into depth about the procedure - with a green marker on a white board he says "and we cut here. XXX - staple here… dotted line.. and remove this portion of your stomach creating a 'sleeve'…. more dotted lines…. see this ? "
Laproscopicly of course. (of course.) Hey Laproscopic surgery. I know that surgery - it is how they got my very unhappy gall bladder out. That is fast and doesn't hardly hurt. THAT surgery, I can do.
He continues to discuss and answer all kinds of questions:
"How quickly can you do this ?" - Answer: four weeks he said, which turned out to be a little 'untrue', more like four months due to prep work, psych evaluation, nutritionist and the ever wonderful liver shrinking diet (more on that later).
"How long does the procedure take?" - Answer: shortest 40 minutes, longest 65 minutes due to big liver.
"Do I have to stay at the hospital?" - I really wanted to answer this one with no dumb ass, they do major surgery in the surgical drive through…but I again showed a tremendous amount of self control and just smiled, inside. Answer: Two Days if there are no complications.
"How long will I be out of work?" - Answer: five to ten days.
"How much does it cost?" - I think smugly - its covered by BC. BS of Massachusetts - that I do know. Answer: $20,000.00 (likely dependent upon Dr, Region and country, among other things).
"Am I awake during the procedure?" Answer - No. again the 'duh' factor was kicking on inside my head, but that's unfair to the questioner…
"What do you use to put the patient under?" Answer - Intravenous sedation administered via IV drip and you 'wake up' 30- 45 seconds after we stop the drip. WOW - having had a couple of babies, surgeries and wisdom teeth out, I am not a fan of inhaled sedation and its 'after' effects, so I was just tickled to hear this.
"What can i eat afterwards?" Answer - liquid diet for two weeks, mushy diet for two to four weeks and then reintroducing foods as directed by the nutritionist.
"Can I have beer?" - Answer: Eventually, BUT….your 'new' stomach can only tolerate so much volume and using that for alcohol may not be the best choice. READ 'NO YOU DUMB ASS".
The last two questions concerned me. If you are so involved in 'what food' per se, and what you can and can not drink, then this seminar is probably not the right place for you. I am in such a personal state of disappointment regarding my ability to mentally grasp 'limits' or exhibit discipline with regards to food as a 'drug' - that this is literally my LAST resort. I will do whatever I am told and being physically forced to become unable to make bad choices, is where I am . In some ways, it's sad. In other ways - it's a new beginning. Sometimes , we all need help and that takes courage to admit.
Carry on .
Thursday, July 24, 2014
The BIG Lecture, life changing, really
And so we return home from orientation today - yes there were several occasions to imbibe - but I managed to control myself…. I have to get ready….
Flashback May 16th, 2014.
I called Dr. Bowens office and asked to be added to the 'seminar list'. The seminar list is where you drive to the hospital and in a giant group setting, listen to the Bariatric Surgeon whose day it is to present talk about Weight Loss Surgery. Yes I did. WLS for short. June 9th - Monday night. 5:30 pm.
It seemed like those three weeks wearing passing like molasses in winter time.
June 9th. I have researched, read, re-read and diagramed (being an artist, that is what I do, I draw to deal with things). I had decided that I needed a Lap Band. You know, they insert a 'ring' like device that is externally controlled by saline injection, to reduce the size of your stomach ? that thing?.
"Lets just get this over with…. " I say to myself. (the seminar is a pre-requisite for any surgery).
Great presentation. Surgeon is -surprise- very self confident and a good presenter. He begins with his background and his success 'over 1200 surgeries and only one death…. pause…..but the patient would have died any way'. Um, okay. (to be fair… this is probably not what he said - the exact words - but my head remembers it this way).
He continues with the lap band "and it has a low success rate 75% of patients end up gaining back all the weight they lose". What? Panic? Oh NO. Why am I here. Now I am really upset.
I hear Blah, blah , blah and then I hear "lose 60 -75% of their excess weight".
who does ? What is he talking about- pills, milk shakes, what ? Surgery. He is talking about surgery.
He is talking about a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I am now paying attention.
Flashback May 16th, 2014.
I called Dr. Bowens office and asked to be added to the 'seminar list'. The seminar list is where you drive to the hospital and in a giant group setting, listen to the Bariatric Surgeon whose day it is to present talk about Weight Loss Surgery. Yes I did. WLS for short. June 9th - Monday night. 5:30 pm.
It seemed like those three weeks wearing passing like molasses in winter time.
June 9th. I have researched, read, re-read and diagramed (being an artist, that is what I do, I draw to deal with things). I had decided that I needed a Lap Band. You know, they insert a 'ring' like device that is externally controlled by saline injection, to reduce the size of your stomach ? that thing?.
"Lets just get this over with…. " I say to myself. (the seminar is a pre-requisite for any surgery).
Great presentation. Surgeon is -surprise- very self confident and a good presenter. He begins with his background and his success 'over 1200 surgeries and only one death…. pause…..but the patient would have died any way'. Um, okay. (to be fair… this is probably not what he said - the exact words - but my head remembers it this way).
He continues with the lap band "and it has a low success rate 75% of patients end up gaining back all the weight they lose". What? Panic? Oh NO. Why am I here. Now I am really upset.
I hear Blah, blah , blah and then I hear "lose 60 -75% of their excess weight".
who does ? What is he talking about- pills, milk shakes, what ? Surgery. He is talking about surgery.
He is talking about a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I am now paying attention.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
What am I doing about it ?
Today, we are off to Virginia Tech to take the Young Man to his college orientation. Sad and happy at the same time. I am sure it will involve some kind of partying .
Back to the Story….
I visited with Dr. Bowen in January and followed up in February.
For brevity sake, it went something like this..
Upon arriving at the office, they took my weight. Big Surprise - its a bariatric office. Not happy with results.
Blood Pressure, and O2 by nursing assistant. She informs me that my insurance covers weight loss surgery 100%. weight loss surgery? Who said anything about that ? Nope - not interested.
Doc enters the office. She asks me what I am doing there . I am thinking that this is not starting off well - but instead say " I am tired of being fat". There. I said it. Outloud.
She informs me again of the availability of my insurance covering Weight Loss surgery. Wait who is running my Doc visit ? Doctor or BC BS . I explain that that is 'not an option for me'.
We talk about a drug. Also not an option for me. (I did forget one detail in my first post - I tried phenergan and synthetic HGH to the tune of about $ 750.00 - truth be known it was just a psychological trick for sticking to a DIET. )
So she reverted to the nutritionist / calorie counting / food journal thing and suggested I begin exercising. Well, I found a great app, and half heartedly, went about the task. Using principles of the Paleo diet that my 17 years old, I revised my eating habits for four weeks. I missed the nutritionist appointment because of a snow storm and never bothered to reschedule - I am not into some skinny little blonde telling me how to eat. and what to eat. I know that all - i could write a damn book about that. "real" food and "mindful" consumption. the less you eat the more you lose. Rocket Science.
February came. Lost 3 pounds. Good direction, but not the success I had in the past.
here's the news flash - I'm no longer 30 something. My metabolism is different. I have been siting still for 8 hours a day (while I do get up a lot and wonder around the office, I would never call it exercise)… I am obese and my BMI is 37 and I have high blood pressure and sleep apnea. I will die if I don't fix these problems.
March comes. Third appointment with Doc. Guess what - back up toe 246. No loss, no gain. NO POINT. She 'dismisses me' - though very politely she says if we don't do the drugs or the surgery she can't help me. I am a little miffed, but understand. Her time is money and there are people who are willing to do anything to help themselves and many of them are far larger than me.
Pouting ensues. April passes, May 15th arrives. I can not take one more day of this freaking CPAP machine. I HAVE TO use it or I do not sleep. I like sleep. what to do, what to do.
Back to the Story….
I visited with Dr. Bowen in January and followed up in February.
For brevity sake, it went something like this..
Upon arriving at the office, they took my weight. Big Surprise - its a bariatric office. Not happy with results.
Blood Pressure, and O2 by nursing assistant. She informs me that my insurance covers weight loss surgery 100%. weight loss surgery? Who said anything about that ? Nope - not interested.
Doc enters the office. She asks me what I am doing there . I am thinking that this is not starting off well - but instead say " I am tired of being fat". There. I said it. Outloud.
She informs me again of the availability of my insurance covering Weight Loss surgery. Wait who is running my Doc visit ? Doctor or BC BS . I explain that that is 'not an option for me'.
We talk about a drug. Also not an option for me. (I did forget one detail in my first post - I tried phenergan and synthetic HGH to the tune of about $ 750.00 - truth be known it was just a psychological trick for sticking to a DIET. )
So she reverted to the nutritionist / calorie counting / food journal thing and suggested I begin exercising. Well, I found a great app, and half heartedly, went about the task. Using principles of the Paleo diet that my 17 years old, I revised my eating habits for four weeks. I missed the nutritionist appointment because of a snow storm and never bothered to reschedule - I am not into some skinny little blonde telling me how to eat. and what to eat. I know that all - i could write a damn book about that. "real" food and "mindful" consumption. the less you eat the more you lose. Rocket Science.
February came. Lost 3 pounds. Good direction, but not the success I had in the past.
here's the news flash - I'm no longer 30 something. My metabolism is different. I have been siting still for 8 hours a day (while I do get up a lot and wonder around the office, I would never call it exercise)… I am obese and my BMI is 37 and I have high blood pressure and sleep apnea. I will die if I don't fix these problems.
March comes. Third appointment with Doc. Guess what - back up toe 246. No loss, no gain. NO POINT. She 'dismisses me' - though very politely she says if we don't do the drugs or the surgery she can't help me. I am a little miffed, but understand. Her time is money and there are people who are willing to do anything to help themselves and many of them are far larger than me.
Pouting ensues. April passes, May 15th arrives. I can not take one more day of this freaking CPAP machine. I HAVE TO use it or I do not sleep. I like sleep. what to do, what to do.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
why am i here ?
how did i get here? it's quite simple too many calories.
Fat, obese, large, big whatever you want to call it - I am done being it.
In January of this year, 2014, I made a promise to myself - this is the year for this to stop. Not one of those empty new years resolutions, but the actual commitment to taking my life back. This at 246 lbs the first day of the year.
In college, my lowest weight was 150. At that point, being 5'9" i felt pretty invincible. i walked everywhere, went to the gym five or six days a week, did aerobic classes in tight fitting lycra, learned about the benefits of weight lifting and hung out in the weight room for an hour or so a day.
Then - disruption - a new great job, a move to Buffalo - no time for a gym, let alone weight room and all hell broke loose. I had an expense account - you know a company AMEx and all the right in the world to eat and drink and play with clients at any restaurant I wanted to. Hello 30 lbs ! Weight Watchers correction, down 25 lbs. Back to shenanigans.
Then the company decided to discontinue the brand i was selling. Job lost. Life Correction - back to the gym, 8 months no 'suitable' job, lost the 30 lbs I had put back on partying. New job. Two years. Another new job and back on the road but this time on MY schedule and MY own expenses. Less partying, took up long distance cycling in the summer and skiing - regularly- in the winter.
Met husband. Bought house - had baby - back came those happy 30 lbs. Had another baby. Weight on, Weight off with the Cherry Hill Fitness Center and the Zone diet, no time for exercise - two miscarriages and then new baby… no time for anything sensible with two tiny kids, a house and a job !
Then the crash - MIL passes away, DH accepts a job in the south. Stress, move - more weight on - new all time high - 225 ! Second baby is 1 1/2 and it's time to lose that baby weight. Enter Beverly Hills Weight Loss center supplements, protein and 'supervision' - and no work outs. Down to 200 from 225.
Bored with program - new job !
Yeah and 15 years later sitting at a desk with intermittent interruptions from the Atkins Program, the Paleo Diet and here we are at age 52 and 256 lbs. Holy Cow - literally.
"Oh, you don't look like you weigh that much"
"You carry it well"
"You hid that by dressing so nicely" - yeah nicely in size 20W - WTF ?
I know that i will never be the size 6 to 8 that my beautiful daughter is, she has a smaller frame - but I think with a lot of hard work, I can absolutely get back to a 12 ? Right.
So I find a bariatric doctor. In case you need one, her name is Karen Bowen and she runs an office called Bariatric Solutions - it is a Novant Facility. Nice Lady.
Fat, obese, large, big whatever you want to call it - I am done being it.
In January of this year, 2014, I made a promise to myself - this is the year for this to stop. Not one of those empty new years resolutions, but the actual commitment to taking my life back. This at 246 lbs the first day of the year.
In college, my lowest weight was 150. At that point, being 5'9" i felt pretty invincible. i walked everywhere, went to the gym five or six days a week, did aerobic classes in tight fitting lycra, learned about the benefits of weight lifting and hung out in the weight room for an hour or so a day.
Then - disruption - a new great job, a move to Buffalo - no time for a gym, let alone weight room and all hell broke loose. I had an expense account - you know a company AMEx and all the right in the world to eat and drink and play with clients at any restaurant I wanted to. Hello 30 lbs ! Weight Watchers correction, down 25 lbs. Back to shenanigans.
Then the company decided to discontinue the brand i was selling. Job lost. Life Correction - back to the gym, 8 months no 'suitable' job, lost the 30 lbs I had put back on partying. New job. Two years. Another new job and back on the road but this time on MY schedule and MY own expenses. Less partying, took up long distance cycling in the summer and skiing - regularly- in the winter.
Met husband. Bought house - had baby - back came those happy 30 lbs. Had another baby. Weight on, Weight off with the Cherry Hill Fitness Center and the Zone diet, no time for exercise - two miscarriages and then new baby… no time for anything sensible with two tiny kids, a house and a job !
Then the crash - MIL passes away, DH accepts a job in the south. Stress, move - more weight on - new all time high - 225 ! Second baby is 1 1/2 and it's time to lose that baby weight. Enter Beverly Hills Weight Loss center supplements, protein and 'supervision' - and no work outs. Down to 200 from 225.
Bored with program - new job !
Yeah and 15 years later sitting at a desk with intermittent interruptions from the Atkins Program, the Paleo Diet and here we are at age 52 and 256 lbs. Holy Cow - literally.
"Oh, you don't look like you weigh that much"
"You carry it well"
"You hid that by dressing so nicely" - yeah nicely in size 20W - WTF ?
I know that i will never be the size 6 to 8 that my beautiful daughter is, she has a smaller frame - but I think with a lot of hard work, I can absolutely get back to a 12 ? Right.
So I find a bariatric doctor. In case you need one, her name is Karen Bowen and she runs an office called Bariatric Solutions - it is a Novant Facility. Nice Lady.
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